Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!
Husband: I’m not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don’t do birthdays.
Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of bike is she riding?
Husband: She took my bike
OFFICER : What kind of bike was it?
Husband : A 2020, manufactured September 16th, pearl white custom built hardcore titanium sklar hardtail .with 64.5° HeadTube angle, and a reach of 490.. Shimano XTR m9100 drive train,12 speed ,10 -51 cassette, hope tech 3 E4 brakes with hope floating roaters, fox transfer factory dropper post with wolf-tooth lever, race Face atlas stem and the race Face atlas 35 riser bar w/800mm, DMR death grip, ergon SM enduro saddle, Crankbrothers synthesis E11 carbon 27.5 wheel set with maxxis DHF 2.6 tire in front and maxxis recon 2.6 in the rear. Industry 9 Hydra classic CL hubs , and race Face Chester pedals. A rockshox lyric RC2 150mm fork.
At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER: Take it easy sir, We’ll find your bike
She’ll be with Boris in the Olympic Park!